Mi querido Chile

Thank you for...

The words you have given me. I can better express what I feel now.

La comida rica, las empanadas, la charquicán y el pisco sour. 

The people I have gotten to know. My host nieces and nephews, my program director, my host family, my fellow gringos, interesting hostel guests. 

Showing me how to live in the present. Teaching me that time passes through me, not I through it.

Allowing me to accept that I don't have control over everything. Sea lo que sea, como Dios quiera.

Your geographical variety. The mountains to the east, beaches to the west, desert to the north, polar to the south. 

The changes that I have yet to recognize within myself and my perspective on the world.

Chile, junto a decirte chao, yo te pido que cuando regrese que aceptes la diversidad de la gente que hay en el mundo. I sincerely hope that, someday when I return, everyone is welcome, respected, and accepted in Chile-- the gays and the transgendered; the Protestants and the Muslims; the blacks and the Amerindians; the women who want abortions and those who have children out of wedlock; those with Mapuche last names and those with German ones; the blondes and the brunettes; the Peruvians and the Bolivians; and everyone else who would like a home, if only temporary, in Chile.

Soy gringa sí, pero hablo castellano.

Hypothetical situation:
As I'm walking down the street in DC, I see a woman walking in the other direction. I assume she's a Mexican because of her skin color, facial features, and tight clothing. She approaches me and says, in English but with an accent, "Pardon, how do I go to the White House? Is there a tram?" Instead of responding to her in English, I assume her first language is Spanish and start talking to her in Spanish with a US accent.

Of course, this would be wrong of me in many ways:
1a. Assuming nationality based on perceived race/ethnicity and stereotypical style
1b. Even if the woman's nationality or ethnicity (for example, "latina") are correctly guessed, that does not mean she speaks Spanish. Brazilians speak Portuguese; Belize English; Haiti French... And many people in every country do not speak the official or majority language. For instance, there are many latinos who speak only indigenous languages, especially in Bolivia and Guatemala.
2. Responding in a different language than the one in which I was addressed; ignoring the woman's original choice of language
3. Interpreting an accent as the lack of knowledge of a language as opposed to difficulty pronouncing sounds that are not present in her native language
4. Not considering that the woman may have come to the US for the purpose of learning English
5. Implying that my Spanish language skills and accent are better than her English ones without much to back up that claim
6. Implying that she is uneducated and disinterested in other cultures
7. Lack of recognition of the diversity of people; thinking "all Mexicans/latinos don't speak English"
8. Interpreting use of correct yet uncommon words as unfamiliarity with English rather than familiarity with another dialect of English

Fortunately, this type of situation is not common in the US. However, this happens to me every day in reverse while I'm in Latin America. It's extremely frustrating and insulting to me. I imagine it's even more so to Europeans or Canadians who are often assumed to be from the US, especially those who do not speak English at all or at least not as a native language.

And, finally, another note: If you're not being understood by a non-native speaker, consider that it might not have anything at all to do with language. The actual concept may be difficult to understand or remember (ex. complicated directions); the process/product may be unfamiliar to the person due to cultural not lingual differences; it might be difficult to hear you; or you just might not be making any sense.

Buenos Aires

Big Apple, París del Sur, Capital de Tango, Ciudad de Libros

Things I notice about BA...

It's the most racially, ethnically, and culturally diverse Latin American city I've visited. I see people of African and Asian descent and whites with all different hair colors. There are Italian restaurants and reggae type shops. People are speaking a variety of languages and signs are written in Spanish, English, and Portuguese.

It's a tall, dense city. Yes, there are plaza-parks like all cities founded by Spaniards, but they are smaller and less frequent. Instead, there are tight blocks, one way streets, and multi-story buildings.

Everything is old. The streets are cobblestone, buildings original, refurbished US school buses from several decades ago make up the public fleet, and the metro trains and stations are reminiscent of the 70s. While this can be inconvenient and sometimes impractical, it does give a special character to the city.

Everything is broken and leaking. Part of this is because of the age of the infrastructure. The high inflation, unemployment, and slowness of government work also play a significant role.

Porteños love book stores. They're everywhere. There aren't near as many pharmacies as there are in Santiago (which means there's a normal amount here).

The metro system is terrible. It's closed when it rains, requires several transfers to get pretty much anywhere, has old confusing creepy stations, is limited by strikes, and doesn't go to much of the city.

There is little cat calling compared to the other Latin American cities I've been to. In fact, I haven't been cat called even once and have only heard a couple incidences of it.

Women wear shorts, dresses, and skirts more frequently. They are not expected to wear pants all the time.

There are always Argentines who want to exchange US dollars on the streets. Because of the high inflation of the Argentine peso, most companies and apartment building owners establish prices in dollars. But Argentines continue to be paid in pesos and the government continues to limit the number of US dollars that an Argentine can spend/withdraw via banks. Thus, Argentines are desperate for US dollars and go to the streets. They offer 6 pesos per dollar to outcompete the banks. The current official exchange rate established by the government and used by the banks is 4.9 pesos per dollar.

Gaga: Chile Edition

"Highway Unicorn"

First, I would like to write down some of the things Lady Gaga said and did during her performance last night (11.20.2012) in the Estadio Nacional in Santiago:

> Marijuana.... "Who's smoking marijuana here and not sharing any with me? Seriously I have to do this whole show smelling that. Where's my Chilean grass?"
> Her body. Slowly lifts up her skirt and shows her ass. Multiple times.
> Trying to speak Spanish and failing. Gringa accent to the max. And having to ask one of her background dancers how to say things and then repeating them poorly. I'm pretty sure most people understood her English better. It's weird though because her parents immigrated to the US from Italy. You'd think she'd be able to adjust to different accents/languages.
> Chilean flag. Dancing with it and wrapping it around her.

> "Who's that girl without the shirt?" "Are you legal? How old are you?" Doesn't understand the English. "What's your age?" Finally gets it and answers 20. "Keep your shirt off then. Nice tits."
> Dicks and pussies.... "I know it's hot and crowded up here. But it's time to get your dicks and pussies off the floor, Santiago."
> Fuck... "Do you give a fuck?" "Do you have work tomorrow? Well guess what?! I don't give a fuuuuuccckkkk! Let's just party and drink."
> Overt sexuality in the show. Clear sexual imagery on multiple occasions with both guys and girls dry humping her and pretending to perform oral sex through her costume.

----------------------------------------

In general, I think Lady Gaga is absolutely brilliant in so many different ways...

I. Musically
She does such a great job of incorporating several different styles and decades into her music. She's got a lot of 80's Madonna type stuff, modern pop, some bits of rap in her songs, even screaming in "Bloody Mary." All of this seems to come together to create albums that go together well and, in my opinion, contain no bad songs.

II. Social message
Lady Gaga understands sociological phenomena such as the gender binary, sexism and racism at a level that most people do not, especially not those in the entertainment industry responsible for the perpetuation of these oppressive societal systems. Beyond that, she is able to acknowledge and challenge them in ways that are accessible to both those who understand and identify them as such and those who do not. One does not need high levels of education in the social sciences in order to see that songs such as "Black Jesus" or "Born This Way" challenge these established sociocultural systems.
Perhaps Lady Gaga's most significant social messages have to do with sexuality and sexual orientation. She has always been very supportive of the queer community. 

"I met a girl in east LA...
We fell in love, but not in court" 

-Americano

I also admire Lady Gaga for her stances and openness about sexuality in general. She does not shame sexual desire in any way or any sexual practice, paid or free, oral or vaginal, solo or in multiples.

"I love that lavender blonde
The way she moves
The way she walks
I touch myself can't get enough
And in the silence of the night
Through all the tears
And all the lies
I touch myself and it's alright" 

-So Happy I Could Die

"I'm gonna love you with my hands tied
Show me your teeth
Just tell me when
Show me your teeth
Open your mouth boy"

-Teeth

"Put your hands on me,
John F. Kennedy
I'll make you squeal baby
As long as you pay me"

-Government Hooker

III. History, religion and geography

As with the sociological concepts above, Lady Gaga understands historical and religious patterns and is able to incorporate them brilliantly into pop songs. For instance, "Bloody Mary" comes to mind in regards to history. 

 "Love is just a history that they may prove
And when you're gone I'll tell them my religion's you
When Punk-tius come to kill the king upon his throne
I'm ready for their stones." -Bloody Mary

 

The religious imagery both in the lyrics of her songs as well as in her stage sets and costumes never ceases to amaze me. In terms of songs, there are: Black Jesus † Amen Fashion, Fashion of His Love, Electric Chapel, Bloody Mary, and Judas.

"My body is sanctuary

My blood is pure...

Pray for your sins

Right under the glass disco ball" 

-Electric Chapel

"Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain

Even after three times, he betrays me...

A king with no crown, king with no crown...

In the most Biblical sense I am beyond repentance

Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind" 

-Judas

Gaga also shows knowledge of geography and geographical stereotypes.

"Something about my cool Nebraska guy...

I'm a New York woman, born to run you down..."

-Yoü and I

"I grew up in New York City,
Since I was born on Broadway, baby!
Moved downtown when I was just nineteen,
To start a new life on the New York scene."

-Black Jesus † Amen Fashion 

IV. Fashion
Lady Gaga's style consists of:
a) unconventional materials

From LA Times

b) shapes and structures not normally considered attractive

From Now Magazine

c) revealing and sexually provocative

From USA Today

Gaga clearly understands that fashion is a tool for the control of publicity and image.  In addition, the specific trends shown above show that she understands the power of fashion as self-expression of internal qualities and as the demonstration of ownership over one's own body and the way it is projected to the world. The use of unconventional shapes and materials shows a lack of conformity to the norm of beauty and challenges people to think outside of the box. Similarly, her sexually provocative clothing shows pride about and ownership of her sexuality. Again, she's challenging popular views about sexuality and its inherent "badness," especially when experienced by females.

V. Marketing, publicity, image
Lady Gaga has mastered the art of creating and controlling her image to maximize her popularity and the impact of her social messages. She is a genius in regards to when and what to release. She is constantly pushing boundaries (meat dress, strange outfits, sexuality, ambiguous religious references, etc) that land her in the press due to controversies, but not the trashy kind. She is never in the press for getting a DUI or filing a restraining order against someone. It's always due to planned actions on her part.
She appeals to the international market via:   
a) the inclusion of different languages in her music (Spanish in "Americano" and "Alejandro"; German in "ScheiBe"; small bits of French in several songs)

"Mis canciones son de la revolución

Mi corazón me duele por mi generación

If you love me we can marry on the west coast

On a Wednesday, en el verano en agosto" 

-Americano

"I don't speak German
But I can if you like, Ow!
Ich schleiben austa be clair (It's very clear to me),
Es kumpent madre monstere (I have the name mother monster)"

-Scheiße

b) appeal to different cultures via languages, history, religious motifs, racial recognition, and transnational social causes

Anyways, I really do admire Lady Gaga for her complete brilliance and her dedication to social causes.

Stay-at-home Dad in Latin America

I have yet to meet one person in Latin America who I know was raised with a male as their primary caretaker. Nor have I met anyone who did not assume that my father was the primary bread-winner and that my mother was in charge of cooking and cleaning.

When asked about my parents, the first question is usually, "what does your father do?" or, occasionally, "what do your parents do?" I tell them that my mom is an accountant and my dad stays home with my sister and my dog. The next set of questions is usually a combination of some of the following:

• Why? (Mom made more money when I was born.)
• Are they married? (Yes.)
• When does your mom cook/clean? (She doesn't. My dad does.)
• Did you have a nanny/maid/house cleaner? What about an aunt, grandma... that helped? (No.)
• How did you learn to sew, cook...? (Some of these things I never learned and never really desired to. Others my dad taught me.) 

Finally, they are left with only one option, reality: my father is a stay-at-home dad who does all the normal "feminine" tasks of cooking, cleaning, and child-raising in addition to the traditionally "masculine" chores of yard work, killing spiders, fixing broken things, etc.

But they are not done yet. They usually feel the need to offer some sort of commentary on the situation. So far, I have gotten two types of responses. One is admiration. Many women who are or have been stay-at-home moms admire what my dad has done. In many ways, I agree with them, but I also think it's because they don't realize that it is easier to be a stay-at-home dad in the US than in Latin America.

The second response is the regurgitation of cultural messages about gender roles. It usually involves implying that he is "poco hombre" (not very much of a man, effeminate) and informing me that "many latinos would call him a faggot." I get the feeling that they would call him that if they weren't talking to me. 

I love my dad and I wish people here could first see him as a great dad instead of a different dad or a dad being a mom. There is no reason why a man should not be a stay-at-home parent.

Personal and shared space

Personal bubbles are a lot smaller in Chile than they are in the US. People are a lot more packed in by the time they start to feel uncomfortable on public transport. Friends and acquaintances do the whole kiss routine in the air next to your cheeks. Friends touch each others shoulders and arms. There is no need for the empty chair between groups in public eating areas. If you're sitting next to someone in a waiting room, bus, etc. it's ok if your sides touch.

Personally, I prefer this smaller personal bubble. It's much more practical and makes relationships more affectionate. In terms of efficiency and economics, it makes a lot more sense. Less metro trains or buses are needed. Lower fares are possible. Waiting rooms and dining areas take up less space. In essence, everything involving more than one person takes less space for the same level of comfort.

Humans crave affection, physical touch. I don't (necessarily) mean romantically, but just generally. We like hugs, kisses from grandma, hand shakes, etc. Personally, I find it natural that friendships would include this kind of affection. The physical comfort and closeness seems like a natural extension to the emotional connection. It shows trust and care.

As I often do, I relate things in the human world to those in the canine. Not in a bad way... yes, I am comparing humans to animals, but you have to understand that I love and admire dogs. A lot. Anyways, when I see a dog, I approach it slowly and watch its reaction. I then move my hand close and see how it responds. I pet it in non-threatening areas, usually its back or side. Eventually, it might let me pet it head and neck or roll over to pet its stomach. A similar process occurs between dogs. These actions leave the dog vulnerable, its vital parts--neck, head, etc-- exposed to you, showing that it trusts you. It's the same with people. Physical closeness shows trust that you won't abuse it.

The physical closeness and affection that I have grown used to is something I will miss when I'm back in the US.

Boxed milk

Milk should not come in 1 liter boxes from a shelf and have an expiration date 6 months in the future. But here, and pretty much all of Latin America, it does. In the grocery stores, there are aisles with boxes and boxes of 1 liter containers of milk. Different brands, exact same stuff. Leche descremeda. Leche semidescremeda (1.2-1.5%). Leche entera. Leche semidescremeda chocolate, frutilla, chocolate plátano, chocolate manjar... Apparently they use some sort of super heating method that extends shelf life but leaves the milk tasting burnt. I find it pretty terrible, in fact. I'm looking forward to real milk again when I get back to the US.

Perros de la UC

There are a lot of street dogs in Chile, really in Latin America in general. I like to call them "perros callejeros" (street/vagabond dogs).  But it's sort of a misnomer to call the dogs that live on Campus San Joaquín perros callejeros. They have really adopted the campus as their home and the students have adopted them as their pets during the school day. I love dogs and I love observing and making friends with the campus dogs. They all belong to certain areas of campus:

There is a larger black dog who is always with the guards at the front grate. In the humanidades quad, where I have most of my classes, there are two gordas negras regalonas that are often caught sleeping in the computer lab under the desks during bad weather. One is above to the right. The other one is a little taller.

Towards the front of the engineering area next to the food garden, there are several younger skinnier playful dogs that are always wrestling and chasing each other. On the northern side of the engineering area, Titi (a very friendly little black and light brown girl) and a dog I call "oso" are usually sleeping. You can see why I call him/her "oso" above to the left. Although, in this picture, oso moved from her/his usual area to my Chilean geography class in the humanidades area for a few hours.

There are other dogs that are permitted to wander, especially smaller dogs into the humanidades area because the two gordas regalonas are usually too flojas to actually get up and kick them out. The one to the right, for instance, came into my World Regional Geography class and slept underneath my chair for an hour. There are also others that are just perceived as non-threatening by the other dogs because of some aspect of their affect and behavior. The one to the left sleeping inside the hall universitario is a good example. For whatever reason, he is just allowed anywhere he wants to be. I think maybe it's because he doesn't go begging for food in other dogs' territories.

But, there are some dogs who are very territorial and other dogs that just incite territorial responses. The younger dogs I mentioned who hang out near the food garden are usually that way. They are playful only with each other. The other dogs get barked at and chased out. They sometimes even end up with bite wounds on their shoulders. The dogs that hang out near Starbucks (pictured on the left) are another example.

And in regards to the people... some of the dogs have psuedo-owners on campus, usually the guards or maintenance workers, that they follow around all day and get lunch from. But most dogs beg for food during lunch (left) or get food from Animalia UC, a student organization that feeds, de-parasites, sterilizes, vaccinates, puts up for adoption, takes to the vet, and dresses (collars and sweaters/shirts during winter) the campus dogs. Most of the dogs are very nice to people and enjoy being pet, but some have the bad yet cute and protective habit of following you everywhere for the rest of the day if you show them any sort of affection or give them food.

I will miss these dogs when I leave. And I will miss having dogs around 24/7 in general. But I will be happy to see my baby Lucy. I miss her so much!

Tampon Taboo

Anyone who has ever searched for or had the luxury to actually find and buy tampons in Latin America knows how rare they are. They are usually hidden in some corner behind the counter at the pharmacy or buried behind piles of every kind of pad you could imagine. When you finally find them the excitement is short-lived. They're the most expensive thing on the shelf, come in packs no larger than 12, are small, and have no applicator, plastic or otherwise. After settling on these sub-par products as your only option, you have to endure the judging eyes of the cashier as she rings you up.

The geography of tampon use is not something we think about in the US and Canada, where 70% of women use tampons. We just accept it as a fact of womanhood and are comfortable asking our friends for one, buying them in stores, and keeping them in the cupboards of shared bathrooms.

However, only 10% of women outside of the US and Canada use of tampons, and, in Latin America, only a tiny 3%. In this largely Catholic region, there exists a strong religious taboo against their use even though the Church has no official stance on the matter. The popular perception is that women can lose their virginity through the use of tampons, especially those with larger applicators. Even doctors, most of whom are males, often hold this misconception and know only of vague outdated statistics about the risk of toxic shock syndrome. They know very little about the risk-reducing improvements in labels, instructions, and product design achieved in the last decade.

This may sound a bit dramatic, but I strongly believe that tampon availability and education is a necessary part of the women's movement in Latin America. A woman confined to pads is like a woman confined to skirts and heels. She meets some sort of unspoken patriarchal quota of femininity and pureness at the expense of mobility and personal choice. A woman limited to pads cannot swim and feels uncomfortable running, biking, or doing any manner of physical activity. In other words, she has little power over her body and, in particular, how her reproductive cycle affects her daily life. Availability of tampons can help women regain this power.

The second aspect, education of women and doctors, is important in a more theoretical sense. The current discourse regarding tampons centers around the ideals of (female) virginity/ religious purity and unquestioning trust of the medical profession.
a) Virginity is a social construct that gives men the power to "take" something valuable from women, perpetuates a double standard between the sexes, creates a hierarchy of women based on number of sexual partners, shames natural sexual desires and actions, and places sole authority over what constitutes "acceptable" sex in the hands of the Church, namely the institution of "holy matrimony." Not using tampons to "preserve one's virginity" only furthers these societal structures.
b) The medical profession is conservative, heteronormative, and male-dominated, ill-suited to address the needs of many of the people who most need it-- the sexually active, pregnant, etc. Blind trust of physicians, especially by women, should not be an ideal worth upholding.
It is essential that women understand the true facts and risks of tampons in order to weaken the monopoly that men and the Church hold over knowledge and female bodies in Latin America.

Source:
http://www.eltiempo.com/archivo/documento/MAM-­‐130159

Mixed messages and generational gaps: my host family's views on gays

One of my older host brothers is friends with a gay man who was recently elected councilman of one of Santiago's more hip cuica comunas, Providencia. This is a big deal in Chile, especially because he didn't hide it. The councilman elect was openly associated with Movilh as part of his political platform. During the campaign, my host family, including my host parents who are around 70-years-old, were supportive of his candidacy. The three youngest (26-40 years) siblings especially admire his openness and appreciate the social significance.

"En Providencia fue electo el primer concejal públicamente gay" -El Ciudadano
"Jaime Parada becomes Chile's first openly gay councilman" -Gay Star News

Yesterday, my host mother's cousin and his son came over for lunch. The son is probably in his late 30s and is a professor at the Catholic university I attend. He is gay and seems to live his life pretty openly. His appearance and voice is pretty masculine and stereotypically "straight" expect for a set of hoop earrings on one side. Even those are not uncommon to see on straight, masculine Chilean men.

He was talking about the yelling and honking he and his partner receive if they engage in any kind of PDA on the streets of Santiago. He also talked some about his experience at the university and the bipolarity of it. On the one hand, the university is very LGBT-friendly in certain departments (namely the arts and humanities, especially psychology and sociology) and has a university-recognized queer student group. However, there are priests and professors of certain departments (medicine, engineering, economics, etc.) who are frequently in the national news for anti-gay comments posted on Facebook, hosting lectures on 'ex-gay therapy,' etc. My host family seemed to sympathize and agree with this commentary. They also mentioned France's and Spain's recent legalization of same-sex marriage. But, again, there was a palpable (though not verbally expressed) difference in the enthusiasm and level of understanding among my host parents and my younger host siblings.

The confusion and large verbally expressed generational differences among my host family are found in regards to members of the military serving openly. My host mother's views can summed up as a) homosexuals in the military should stay in the closet, b) other countries will defeat Chile if they know there are gays in the military, and c) the existence of openly gay soldiers will invite other countries to attack Chile. Although this makes little logical sense and reflects a very stereotypical view of gay men as feminine and weak, my host father seems to agree with this sentiment despite being less verbal about it. The two oldest siblings (40-50) tend to agree that gay soldiers should remain closeted but can see the fallacy of their mother's other arguments. The three youngest siblings are more verbal in arguing against their mother on all three counts.

In general, I feel that my host family is a prime example of the evolution of the LGBT movement over time, each generation pushing the boundaries and opening their minds a little more. I can only imagine how 'normal' and equal my six host nieces and nephews (ages 1-14) do and will see homosexuality and same-sex relationships. After all, three of them were there yesterday as we discussed gay PDA and LGBT university life with a gay relative over lunch. Granted the kids were more interested in finishing their food so they could jump on the couch, but I'm sure it will sink in slowly over the years. I am happy that their parents (especially the friend of the councilman) have made the effort to include these people and dialogues in their children's lives. Living in a conservative Catholic macho society as they do, it is important that they counter these sociocultural influences for the betterment of society and the of their children in case they later question their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Wanderlust

 

"Not all those who wander are lost" -JRR Tolkien

"We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar  and an urge for the strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known." -Carson McCullers

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." -St. Augustine

"There are two ways of getting home, and one of them is to stay there." -G.K. Chesterton

“There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

“Tourists don’t know where they’ve been, travelers don’t know where they’re going.” – Paul Theroux

"The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land." -G K Chesterson 

All of these quotes are beautiful. And incite within me the internal battle I fight between my great desires, dreams, lusts in life. Sometimes, I want stability and comfort... cultural, geographic, social, lingual. Then, I am reminded of my great pull in life to explore, to wander. The need for constant change, challenge, learning, discomfort, uncertainty, independence, self-sufficiency. 

Steps towards equality

Thank You  

Maine  Maryland  Minnesota Washington 

for voting on the side of equality!

la Amalia

 My host niece, Amalia, reminds me in many ways of myself as a child. Curious about everything. She has to know how and why everything happens. Every time anyone says anything, you know she'll chime in with "¿y por qué?"

Por ejemplo:
La Pilar está sentándose en el jardín, haciendo mensajes de text en su iPhone. La Amalia se acerca a ella y toca sus aretes.
A: ¿Por qué llevas estés?
P: Porque a mí me gustan.
A: ¿Y porqué te los gustan?
P: Porque son bonitos.
A: ¿Y cómo quedan en sus orejas?
P: Porque tengo pequeños huecos. Mira, tengo dos acá y otro acá al otro lado.
A: ¿Y por qué?
P: Para poner aretes. Mira que la Sara tiene muchos más.
La Amalia camina hacia yo y empieza con la misma rutina de preguntar sobre todo y examinar mis orejas que llevan ahora cinco. Ella nunca se brinda de hacer preguntas.

The other thing that we have in common is the love of languages and words. We are always looking for new ways to express ourselves more accurrately. She is always bringing books to the table while people are trying to eat so that they can read them to her. Every week, she learns a new word or phrase that just excites her for whatever reason. One time, she learned the word for "rollie-pollie" (in Spanish, but I forget what it is) and spent the whole time digging through the yard for them. Another time, she learned the phrase "todo el rato" and all of a sudden, everyone was doing everything "todo el rato." A couple weeks ago, she learned "pechuga" and kept looking at her grandmother's chest saying "pechuga" and touched my shirt saying "pechuga." Personal boundaries don't seem to matter to her in her quest for knowledge and new ways of communicating it.

La Amalia has inspired me to renew these traits in myself-- curiosity about the world and its languages. I'm too old to get away with asking "¿y por qué?" after everything, making stories up in order to practice phrases, or violating social boundaries. But I can definitely try to regain some of that passion for life.

Tolerance, acceptance, and identity

This post is not necessarily related to being abroad; it's just something I think is important...

"I don't care if you're gay. Just don't flaunt it."
"My friend's mother's sister's daughter's son is gay, so I know what it's like."
"I'm not homophobic. I just don't feel comfortable going to a gay club."
"I think it's fine to be gay. But why do you need to be married?"

This is tolerance. I don't want to be tolerated. Bugs, humidity, pain, bad smells, and hunger are tolerated. I refuse to be satisfied being put into the same category as those things... things to be tolerated.

I also refuse to hand out kudos to those who are accepting, as if I should expect anything less. Do they want me to give them a happy meal toy for treating me with the basic respect that every human deserves? Moreover, it implies that they are praise-worthy for accepting us in spite of our LGBT status, as if this identity is some sort of character flaw.

And please don't give me your résumé. I don't care if you have 20 gay siblings. I don't give a shit if some person you met once is a lesbian. You don't get a free pass for homophobia just because I am not the first LGBT person you've met. You also don't get to assume that my being gay means that I'm the same person as the first lesbian you met.

I think we need to flip the dialogue about LGBT life around. It is us who should be given kudos for tolerating people that anything less than affirming, supportive, embracing, respecting from the get-go. We must spend our lives expecting to be treated this way and be surprised and angry if we are not. We must do this in order for the non-queer community and our "allies" to understand that their discourse is wrong, reversed.

Alas, we do not have the numbers, the political and social power, to make all these changes, at least not alone and not with so many people still in the closet. So, we must continue to tolerate bigotry, hypocrisy, and tolerance. We must tolerate being tolerated until we have a choice. 

"Mujeres en línea"

Transantiago, the city's public transport system, maintains a set of TV's in the metro trains, buses, and stations. These TV's show music videos, commercials, sports games, and most often "publimetro" information. These are short paragraphs, sorted under certain themes such as noticias, jovenes, deportes, and mujeres. "Jovenes en línea" usually includes information about pop culture or technology; "noticias en línea" about car accidents, crimes, winners of elections, etc.

After seeing a few of the mujeres en línea notices, I started keeping a list of them on my phone:

• Paris fashion week
• consecuencias de dietas sin asesoramiento previo
• como quitar el color de las uñas con limones 
• what you should eat while pregnant
• what to eat so that you're body burns fat faster

Ironically, one day on the metro just after several of the above, I see the following noticias en línea news: 29 femicidios en 2012, igual que el año pasado. Do they not see the relationship?

I really do not like the implication that the only relevant things they can come up with for all mujeres are fashion and dieting. What about information about non-superficial things, like women's rights or health issues? If they are even going to define and limit people to the label mujer, they should at least provide reminders about getting mammograms, stories about successful businesswomen, changes in female representation in government, the income gap, etc. Not to mention that defining fashion and dieting as women's interests excludes and shames men who like these things--as well as excluding and shaming women who aren't interested in these things.

Now if only mujeres chilenas could recognize this as sexism and fight against it.

Temblor

El jueves a las 14:22 hubo un temblor.

Estaba en clase, escuchando al profe, cuando sintió una cosa que he sentido antes-- el movimiento de la tierra. Pero, esta vez, no tuve que estar en la cama, bien quieta, para poder percibirlo. Pude sentirlo sentado en una silla. Estaban balanceándose los velos.

El profe dijo "¿Es un temblor?" La clase dijo que sí, y se convirtió en una escena bastante ruidosa y ansiosa. Los chilenos todavía tenían en su memoria el terremoto "27F" en 2010. Así que tenían mucho miedo que se cambiara a algo más grande. El profe decía "calmados, calmados" hasta que se terminó. Duró como 10 o 15 segundos.

La directora de mi programa nos mandó mensajes de text, correos, y Facebooks. Por estar en clase, no respondí a ellos de inmediato. Por eso, ella llamó a mi casa chilena para averiguar que yo estaba bien. Como media hora luego, respondió.

Esa noche, busqué la información sobre el temblor por USGS y me dijo que fue 5.5 en el epicentro y que, en Santiago, se lo sintió como un 4.3.

A mi me pareció bastante débil de verdad. Pero igual no tengo en mi mente el recuerdo del terremoto 2010.

I should've come out today.

Me: I'm spending next semester in Brazil.
S: You're lucky. I've heard the Brazilian guys are cute (looks around).
D: Not like the Chilean guys, huh?
S: Yeah. That'll be good for you.

These are not their exact words, but you get the point.

I am disappointed in myself. I should've have said something. They are liberal California gringos. It would have been fine and quick. And yet I stayed silent. "Silence is acceptance," they say. Acceptance of heteronormativity, heterocentrism, and stereotypes of how straight women and lesbians are supposed to look.

I promise that from now on, if any of my gringo/a friends assume that I'm straight or are having a conversation with me where sexual orientation is relevant, I will come out.

Nombres, nombres, y más nombres

 When I stop and think about it, there a lot of people with Biblical names in Chile. In my soccer class, for instance, there are: María Jesús, 2 Tomás, José, Benjamin, Manuel, etc. Can you imagine someone in the US named Mary Jesus? And Mary is frequently used in the same way that women in English-speaking countries might use Lynn, Ann(e), Marie, etc. as middle name to form one chosen name with their first and middle names (Lise Anne, Anna Marie, etc). Though this, of course, is much less common in English.

I didn't even realize how frequent Biblical names actually are here until I looked up their translations. Obviously, I knew Pablo, Pedro, José, Jesús, Tomás, María, etc. But I didn't realize that Diego, Jaime, Santiago, or Jimena were also Biblical. I mean, I knew Santiago came from a saint, but that doesn't necessarily mean Biblical.

Zapatos

Mis Vans morados me han servido en Costa Rica, Chile y Argentina; en el desierto más seco del mundo, las selvas del caribe y las cumbres de los Andés; en San José, Santiago y Mendoza. Pero se me murieron de ketchup cayéndose de un chorripan.

Hoy fui a un mall pero no pensé en los tamaños que llevan las tiendas chilenas. Descubrí que llevan solamente hasta los 40 (US 8). Chuta. Llevo yo 42 o 43... las chilenas son tan pequeñitas. Así que, hasta que encuentro un lugar con tamaños más grandes, me quedo con zapatillas cubiertas en ketchup. 

Taller de jovenes gays

So today I decided to go to the taller de jovenes gays put on by MUMS (Movimiento por la Diversidad Sexual). First things first, their building is off of calle "Ricardo Cumming." Immature to laugh at, probably, but who (in the English-speaking world) wouldn't have an immature moment walking on that calle or entering the estación metro Cumming.

The taller was supposed to start at 16:00 and I arrived at 16:05. It was raining out so the taller was going to be indoors. For about an hour, we just sat around and talked. There were lots of "weon's" and "weona's" being thrown around. I look around and see all the Chilean women are pretty butch with the exception of one. I was so nervous and knew that, if I said anything longer than a few words, they would know I was a gringa.

Finally, we started by doing an exercise where we had to go around and decide on "date" times with various people. Then, we had to sit with each person and answer specific questions according to the time of the "date" we decided. Most of them were pretty normal questions about our favorite movies, least favorite food, etc. Then we got to the strange ones. ¿Qué es su fantasia erótica? ¿Dónde ha sido el lugar más extraño en lo cual tuviste sexo? So awkward and TMI. Also the second question assumes that we have had sex, which seems strange considering that it's a taller de jovenes and the youngest were 16. Most of the time I just ended up answering the same questions anyways: ¿De dónde eres? ¿Porqué estás en Chile? ¿Hace cuanto tiempo has estado acá? ¿Qué estudias? etc. etc.

We introduced ourselves and most of us were between 18 and 20 in colegio or uni, with two 16-year-olds and a few mid-20s. I learn that the only other non-butch woman in the taller is the heterosexual gemela of a lesbian attending the group.

Next we did one of the strangest exercises I have ever done in my 19 years. And believe me that I have done my fair share of strange group exercises.... We wrote our names with our bodies on one of the walls of the room. Basically we just saw everyone's asses moving around in the shape of letters.

We took a cookie and coffee break and I suddenly found everyone around me wanting to know about my experience in Chile and  being a lesbian here. About all of the girls that ask multiple times if I'm a lesbian or not and don't believe me when I say that I am. I guess I'm just too "pretty."

In the group room again, I heard about people's coming out experiences in their families and colegios. This is really what I came to hear. I want to know how LGBT life is for Chileans. What surprised me was the amount of people using "maricón," but I guess Spanish-speaking LGBT people can use it the same way English-speaking LGBT people sometimes refer to themselves as fags, dykes, queers, etc. It takes the power away from the word.

Two of the girls got expelled from their colegios for being lesbians. One when she was only 14 and just because she was hanging out with a known lesbian, not because she actually admitted to being lesbian or got caught in a lesbian act. How ridiculous! And how unfortunate considering that Chileans usually attend the same colegio from ages 5-18. On a lighter note, Sebastían's dad said he knew his son was gay because "fumais como maricón." What in the world does that mean? Other than the fact that he smokes a lot, he seems to smoke pretty normally to me.

We ended the group by doing some weird singing in a circle activity where I was so close to people I passed even the sardine level of rush hour in the Santiago metro. After the taller, we all pitched in to buy some beer and vodka and hung out in the building, listening to music and dancing for the next two hours.

I'm really happy I did this today. I got several things I wanted out of it--to listen to Chilean LGBT experiences, meet people from the community in a non-disco/bar setting, and create some possibilities for friends or activities. 

De nanas y patrones

My host family has two nanas (chileno for domestic workers). They are:

1. La Lucha: comes Mon-Fri 8-5, about 65-years-old, looks very similar to my host mom but has slightly darker skin, very overweight, has worked in the house for over 30 years, has 5 living children, married at age 13, currently married to her second husband
2. La Nolvia: comes Wed & Fri 8-5, spends the other 3 days working at my host parents' son's house, in her late 40s or early 50s, very overweight, has worked over 10 years with the family

Their tasks include the following:

• Cooking and serving: they spend a large portion of the day cooking lunch and dinner, for lunch they are expected to serve the family and pick up any finished plates, they usually make everything from scratch and with long hard processes
• Cleaning: vaccuming, dusting, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, etc.
• Organizing: they pick up the kids' toys in the backyard, take the clothes off my 26-year-old host sister's floor, etc.
• Laundry: Lucha does the laundry every Monday, which consists of (1) putting certain clothes directly in the washer, (2) letting other clothes soak before washing, (3) drying certain clothes in the dryer and others outside in the backyard, (4) ironing everything, (5) folding everything, (4) sorting and delivering it to everyone's rooms
• Childcare: whenever there are children in the house, they are also responsible for feeding and watching them
• Pet care: Lucha gives Fifa (cocker spaniel) her food every day before she leaves and picks up her poop every day
• Communications: they answer house phones and open the front gate when someone rings
• Beds: they make our beds every day and change the bed sheets every Friday

For me, of course, this is a completely new experience. In the US, you just wouldn't have nanas unless you are super rich. I did have a "cleaning lady" for a few years but she only came a few hours per month and the relationship was totally different.

Here, nanas are common among upper middle class families and they stay with the same family year after year. They are paid minimum wage, around 40,000 Chilean pesos (~$85) per full work week, or about $2 an hour. This is not much at all considering that the cost of living in Santiago is relatively high, and they spend about 1,000 pesos every day just to go to and from the house. But, Chile does not have the kind of social security and unemployment benefits that most Western countries do. If nanas were not so desirable or if the minimum wage were raised, these women would be left with very few options to earn money. They often have limited schooling, children, extended families in Perú or Bolivia, and no other job skills or experience. Surely being a nana is healthier and safer than being a sex worker, drug mule, or any of the other jobs they would have to undertake in order to provide for themselves and their children.

In that sense, it is understandable that my nanas call my host parents, their employers, "patrón" and "patrona." This job gives them more dignity than any other choice they have. But, at the same time, my host parents could easily increase their standard of living tremendously with very small changes.

Financially, they certainly have the means to pay them $10-20 more a week. Beyond that, there are certain language and living habits they could easily adjust. For instance, calling Lucha Ud. (vs tú) as they would any friend of her age. Doing a little cleaning and organizing over the weekend so Lucha doesn't have 3 days of work to do on Mondays. Letting them eat at the table with us instead of alone in the kitchen. Using fewer dishes and utensils so there is less to wash. Eating vegetables that aren't shredded completely. And so on.

I think these changes would also benefit my host family. It would be good for them to learn to do some of these tasks on their own and to understand the work that goes into them. It would make them more independent, more appreciative, and more understanding of middle class life in other countries where nanas are rare. They might learn to see their nanas as equal persons, not simply employees of lower social classes.

As for me, I prefer my life without nanas. Though mine are nice and I enjoy talking with them, I feel guilty and uncomfortable when they are doing chores that I am equally capable of doing. Also, I like my privacy and independence. It is unnerving to find my things moved and bed set when I come home from class. And it's awkward and disturbing when they knock on the door and wake me up at 10 AM on a Friday morning to set my bed and vacuum. Besides, I don't even like my bed set to begin with because it crunches my toes and makes it hard to move around. Not to mention that I honestly miss doing laundry and cleaning. There is something relaxing in doing something non-intellectual and repetitive while listening to music or TV in the background. Or sorting through a pile of warm, "ocean breeze"-smelling clothes while sipping tea on a cold day.

Around the world in XXX days

In every country, in every hostel, in every city, there are young travelers. Wandering throughout the world in search of ideas and of themselves. These are not tourists. They are not gringos in the same way a person that goes to Rio for a week during carnaval is a gringo. They travel on a budget, jumping from hostel to hostel, taking cross-continent bus trips and memorizing their passport number. They speak English and at least one other language. They don't know when they will be done. It depends on when their money runs out or whenever they feel done. They are usually in their 20s, well educated, independent, European, and socially liberal. Many are taking a break between undergrad and grad or graduate school and a career or they just need to think about what it is they actually want to do with their lives.  They travel by themselves or sometimes with a friend or a partner.

I would like to be one of these people some day. A world wanderer, not fixed to any geographical point, language, or culture for a few months or a year. I would go to Bogotá and explore the transportation system; Panamá City and watch the ships go through the canal for hours; Montevideo and take a boat to Buenos Aires; Lima; Río de Janiero during carnaval; Brasília, the "artifical" frontier city created just for the government; Caracas and Havana to see urban socialist/communist settings; México DF when it's safer; San Juan to see how it is being in an "associated free state"... And after Latin America, I would go to Johannesburg and Cape Town to see life after Apartheid; Manila and Jakarta, those enormous cities in Oceania we hear so little about; Delhi and Mumbai; Istanbul, Moscow, and Jerusalem for the history and architecture...

To those of you who don't know Spanish

Sorry for the Spanish. I am writing this blog mostly so I can process this experience. I'm treating it kind of like a diary but allowing some of my closest friends to read it if they so choose. I just feel that, in order to write what I really think, it has to be in Spanglish. Because sometimes I think 100% in English or Spanish but mostly I think in a mix.

Road trip to Argentina

(Written over the course of the 7+ hour bus ride from Santiago, Chile to Mendoza, Argentina)

Of course last night I had everything packed, alarm set, and my clothes laid out. I got in bed early (10:30ish) but, if you noticed the time stamp on my last post, I couldn't sleep. I was so excited and nervous to go to Argentina today. Finally, around 5 I was able to sleep.

Driving in Chile

Next thing I know, I look at my phone and it says 7:37. Fuck. So I spent $13 on a taxi, arriving at the bus station at 8:20. My bus was supposed to leave at 8:40. We all made it though, if only by the skin on our necks. (That's the phrase, right?)

Now we are cruising through the Chilean countryside at 90 kph. There are so many Chilean flags from every rooftop. I see the first cactus I have seen since arriving in Latin America. I'm adding another set of sceneries to my mental collage of the New World, América.
As I am watching the landscape scroll by, it all stops. We have arrived at a line of stopped cars, which I'm assuming are waiting to cross the border. An invisible man-made line in the Andes dividing currencies, laws, plug types, economies... And yet I jumped the gun. We are not at the border yet, only a toll booth or something similar. I'm not sure.

A few hours later...

We passed several more places that may have been the border. A little town with patrolmen. Booths with Argentine flags. Then an industrial-looking building through which all of the cars, buses, and trucks were slowly passing. I don't know when I crossed the border, but this is where I got my stamp and officially entered my 8th foreign country.

Thoughts...
What is a border anyways?
Is it really a border if...?
-I cross it without knowing
-I cross it and I only I know
-little changes-- same language, same landscape, same dominant religion, similar development levels, etc.
-no one searched my things, made me pay an entrance fee, or asked me to declare certain types of items
And, if in my lifetime Chile claims Mendoza, can I still say that I have been to Argentina?

Hostel living

This is creepy. I cannot sleep. I have stayed in hostels before, but never in a shared room. The room is really just a rectangle with beds along a wall, stacked 3 high and 3 across. Ariel was right when she said the beds were like those in the concentration camps.

Under each column of 3 beds, there are an equal number of drawers. These drawers are deceiving. They are really lockers. There is just enough space between the beds and the bare wall to open your locker and take out your things.

The shower situation is probably the most daunting for me. As my roommates from last year can attest, I am usually very reserved with my shower routine when my bathroom is not directly connected to my single-person room. It took months for me to enter and exit the bathroom in anything but fully clothed. Only at the end of 2 semesters living together did I start wearing only undergarments going from my closet to the bathroom.

downstairs

So, here I am having to share showers with a whole bunch of people I have never met. With only flimsy plastic curtains separating us. There's almost no space to put any of my clothes, and I can't put on my underwear in the shower because the floor turns into a bathtub. I'm counting down the days I have to shower here.

Traveller's Bar, downstairs

That said, the atmosphere downstairs is really chill with good music and drinks. There's also a kitchen where we are making dinner tonight. And the people are nice and from around the world.

Things Chileans Love

Tech:
-WhatsApp
-over crowded PowerPoints
-Twitter
-Google docs

Food:
-mayo
-cilantro
-artichokes
-manjar (dulce de leche)
-strong alcoholic drinks
-Nescafé
-empanadas
-wine
-beef

Clothes:
-fanny packs
-pants in all weather (this is really a Latino thing in general)
-wearing beanies, scarves, jackets, etc. when it's not even below 50 F

Academics:
-run on sentences
-ignoring intellectual property laws
-photocopiers
-group projects

Business:
-pharmacies
-prepaid cells
-cash (vs. cards)
-lots of plastic bags and receipts

Others:
-taking care of street dogs
-chilenismos (idioms)
-Independence holidays
-their families
-amazing graffiti art

"un pueblo sin piernas pero que camina"

Soy,
Soy lo que dejaron,
soy toda la sobra de lo que se robaron.
Un pueblo escondido en la cima,
mi piel es de cuero por eso aguanta cualquier clima.
Soy una fábrica de humo,
mano de obra campesina para tu consumo
Frente de frio en el medio del verano,
el amor en los tiempos del cólera, mi hermano.
El sol que nace y el día que muere,
con los mejores atardeceres.
Soy el desarrollo en carne viva,
un discurso político sin saliva.
Las caras más bonitas que he conocido,
soy la fotografía de un desaparecido.
Soy la sangre dentro de tus venas,
soy un pedazo de tierra que vale la pena.
soy una canasta con frijoles ,
soy Maradona contra Inglaterra anotándote dos goles.
Soy lo que sostiene mi bandera,
la espina dorsal del planeta es mi cordillera.
Soy lo que me enseño mi padre,
el que no quiere a su patria no quiere a su madre.
Soy América latina,
un pueblo sin piernas pero que camina.

Tú no puedes comprar al viento.
Tú no puedes comprar al sol.
Tú no puedes comprar la lluvia.
Tú no puedes comprar el calor.
Tú no puedes comprar las nubes.
Tú no puedes comprar los colores.
Tú no puedes comprar mi alegría.
Tú no puedes comprar mis dolores.

Tengo los lagos, tengo los ríos.
Tengo mis dientes pa` cuando me sonrío.
La nieve que maquilla mis montañas.
Tengo el sol que me seca y la lluvia que me baña.
Un desierto embriagado con bellos de un trago de pulque.
Para cantar con los coyotes, todo lo que necesito.
Tengo mis pulmones respirando azul clarito.
La altura que sofoca.
Soy las muelas de mi boca mascando coca.
El otoño con sus hojas desmalladas.
Los versos escritos bajo la noche estrellada.
Una viña repleta de uvas.
Un cañaveral bajo el sol en cuba.
Soy el mar Caribe que vigila las casitas,
Haciendo rituales de agua bendita.
El viento que peina mi cabello.
Soy todos los santos que cuelgan de mi cuello.
El jugo de mi lucha no es artificial,
Porque el abono de mi tierra es natural.

Tú no puedes comprar al viento.
Tú no puedes comprar al sol.
Tú no puedes comprar la lluvia.
Tú no puedes comprar el calor.
Tú no puedes comprar las nubes.
Tú no puedes comprar los colores.
Tú no puedes comprar mi alegría.
Tú no puedes comprar mis dolores.

Você não pode comprar o vento
Você não pode comprar o sol
Você não pode comprar chuva
Você não pode comprar o calor
Você não pode comprar as nuvens
Você não pode comprar as cores
Você não pode comprar minha felicidade
Você não pode comprar minha tristeza

Tú no puedes comprar al sol.
Tú no puedes comprar la lluvia.
(Vamos dibujando el camino,
vamos caminando)
No puedes comprar mi vida.
MI TIERRA NO SE VENDE.

Trabajo en bruto pero con orgullo,
Aquí se comparte, lo mío es tuyo.
Este pueblo no se ahoga con marullos,
Y si se derrumba yo lo reconstruyo.
Tampoco pestañeo cuando te miro,
Para q te acuerdes de mi apellido.
La operación cóndor invadiendo mi nido,
¡Perdono pero nunca olvido!

(Vamos caminando)
Aquí se respira lucha.
(Vamos caminando)
Yo canto porque se escucha.

Aquí estamos de pie
¡Que viva Latinoamérica!

No puedes comprar mi vida.

Soy americana, igual que tú.

Un día estaba comprando en el OK Market! cerca de mi casa después de la clase de futsal cuando una mujer me acercó. Me preguntó qué tipo de ejercicio estaba haciendo y yo le dije fútbol. Ella percibió mi acento y, de repente, me preguntó, "¿eres americana?" ¡Qué cosa tan extraña de una boca chilena! Le respondé que soy gringa, pero, de veras, debo haber dicho "sí, igual que tú." ¿Cómo es que ella--una chilena, una americana de la cual nosotros hemos robado esa palabra--pudo decirme eso? Eso no cacho. Todos los que viven en las Américas son americanos sin cualificar. Comprendo que en inglés no existe una palabra como "estadounidense," pero igual estaba hablando en castellano. Así que les dejo esta imagen a todos aquellos que son americanos de cualquier país:

Alfredo Jaar "A Logo for America" 1986 Public intervention at Times Square, New York, USA. © Alfredo Jaar, courtesy Galerie Lelong, New York.

Encuestas

The group projects in Chile are much harder and in depth than the their US counterparts. My group of three from the class "Infraestructura y servicios de la metrópolis" has 2 months to a) survey 400-500 at Mall Plaza Sur, which is 2 hours in public transport from my house, b) compile the data in excel and c) write a report about it.

I have never surveyed strangers before in my life, let alone in a second language. Sería feliz nunca hacerlo más, but we have only finished about a quarter of the encuestas. I hate it when people want to survey me, so I hate bothering other people by asking them. Also, the survey shouldn't have the category "nombre" on it if it's not necessary. It just scares people, as if being a random foreigner approaching people was not enough.

In total, this was the "cost" of my viaje:
Ida y vuelta:1220 pesos ($3.50) and 5 hours
Permanencia allá: 2 hours

P.S. I should mention that we got kicked out the mall by security because we didn't have authorization to survey there.